A sucessful time in
June 28th 2012
This Circle of Security story comes to us from a mom in Brisbane, Australia. She learned to utilize a time-in vs a time-out and was?surprised by the outcome.
I thought I might also tell you about my first conscious experience of Circle of Security in practice with my daughter after I had the initial training with I think Bert in Brisbane (I think I was in one of the first two day groups here).?My daughter?was around 7 and when she got really upset and I got disregulated (or I heard shark music) I would routinely send her to her room "to sort herself out and come back when she was calm"...mostly because it made me feel angry/disregulated myself when she was like this. Anyway this one day we were in that cycle and I think I had actually told her (perhaps yelled at her) to go and sort herself out...when it twigged that I had some serious shark music happening and that maybe I should try some "time in" (kind of test that COS stuff). So I followed her down the hallway - I was so disregulated I couldn't get my head together or trust my emotions to even speak, so I just held my arms out to her and motioned with my hands to indicate a hug. She fell into my arms sobbing and wailing, and we just sat down where we were (me still not having any words, and just managing not to push her away so great was my desire to avoid her big emotions). I swear to God about a minute later, she got up...said "Thanks Mum, that really helped" and went on her merry way quite happily...meanwhile I was still all over the place emotionally and had to breath a bit to calm down. It absolutely astounded me, and does to this day. It is something that I sometimes share with collegues or parents when they are skeptical or don't really see how time in can work...I suggest that they give it a chance, but to be aware that it's really hard sometimes.
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