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Being with

This story from a mother?is a fantastic example of how "being with" can help children process their feelings.

 

My almost-4-year-old daughter was in the middle of a huge meltdown. (She had wanted to set the table for supper without me knowing. I accidentally ruined the surprise when I walked into the room). She was screaming and crying.? I sat next to her and said, ?I know it?s frustrating when we don?t get? what we want. Would some snuggles help??? She sobbed, ?No! I don?t want to be your daughter anymore!? I calmly said, ?Well, you will always be my daughter, and that makes me happy, because I love that you are my daughter.?

The crying continued, and I sat next to her to wait it out. After a while (still crying), she asked, ?Mommy? Do you still love me even when you?re mad at me?? I told her, ?I?m not mad at you, but yes, I always love you. There is nothing you could do that would make me not love you.?

She then asked, ?Would you love me even if I never said anything but mean things to you??

I told her, ?You are my daughter and I will always love you. There is NOTHING you could do that would ever make me not love you.?

She wrapped her arms around me, and (tears gone) kissed my nose. ?MUAH! I kissed your nose!? she giggled.

Just when I?m starting to think this style of parenting doesn?t work?it does!

Thank you for sharing your story! If you have stories about the Circle of Security? that you would like to share, please email it to gretchen@circleofsecurity.org


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